Strange times. Southwestern Ontario is socked in with an unceasing fog for the last week that somedays does make me feel like the zombie apocalypse is coming.
Then there was Inauguration.
Then there was the Women's March. I have not felt such pride and excitement for humanity since I attended Obama's Inauguration 8 years ago.
There is something definitely in the air.
I went on two misty walks this weekend. After being terribly sick and starting a new winter contract position, I have not been out in the woods properly for 3 weeks. This is an exceedingly long time for me. When I can't get outside, I get this feeling between my shoulder blades and along of the backs of my legs that no matter how much I fidget, I can't release. When I have that feeling, I have to bow to the wild beast in me and get myself outdoors. STAT.
When I stepped onto the trail, a familiar quote entered my head: "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately."
I feel like too much of my life has been running about, careening from one thing to the next with "Shit. Shit. Shit" hissing in my head.
That is no longer how I choose to live my life or run my farm and business. I have been taking time to set intentions and make conscious, not reactive decisions. The worst feeling in the world is feeling like you can only run and put out fires. And part of this is kindly saying no and knowing what your limitations are. Its a hard, but necessary lesson. I do not know if I hold to this plan of action, my life and my farm will be better. I do not know if my well laid and hopefully well executed plans to attract more pollinators and beneficial insects will make my crops better. I do not know if the activism groups and citizen science I plan to participate in will create lasting change. But I will do it anyways. Because I know it will make me live my life in a deeper and more meaningful way.
One of the next lines of that Thoreau quote goes: "I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." Sounds a bit harsh? No. I believe in this sentence he is saying cut deeper, hold on harder, use your whole body and heart. Your life is the only one.